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What If: The Last First Last Column

by Kennedy Kiersey, Mirror Staff

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It’s not even the end of my junior year yet and I’m already stressing about senior year next year.

I’m not ready for my year of lasts.

My last first day of school.

My last homecoming.

My last Snowball.

My last Prom.

My last last day of school.

Although I’m not as close as most people are here since they’ve been together since their elementary days, I know it is going to be hard to leave all of these people behind as I move on in my live.

I’ve created memories and bonds at CHS, and what if I graduate and never see these people again?

Everything will be lost.

Of course, moving away to college is always the thought after high school that worries me the most.

I’ve been living with, and been supported by, my mom all 17 years of my life.

What if I can’t handle college, or I have problems with finances and can’t save enough money to live on my own?

School clearly isn’t teaching me how to do these things, but thank goodness I know the Pythagorean Theorem!

I don’t want to have to rely on my mom for money, since I will be an adult and I do want to prove to her that she raised me well enough to know how to budget things.

What if I choose a career path that I don’t like after spending thousands of dollars on classes to go into that field?

What if I never get married after college, or I do get married and the marriage goes bad and ends in divorce?

I’ve always told myself that I will never get a divorce, but lets be real here. It’s not just my decision on if the marriage lasts or not.

But I digress…

When I think about next year, a year that should be my most memorable year of high school, I think past the school year to my future, and that scares me to death.

I should be focused on this upcoming year, but I’m not.

I don’t look towards all the advanced classes that I will be enrolled in and I worry about how will I keep my grades up in order to pass.

I know how to do that, I’ve done it for 12 years now, so what am I worried about?

Well, what I haven’t done is be independent of my parents, my mom especially.

What if it’s too hard and I can’t physically or even mentally do it?

What if the economy is bad and I never find a job that will pay well enough for me to maintain a house and have a family?

What if I can’t make it and have to be the thirty year old child who lives in her parents basement?

All of these “what if’s” scare me.

I’m scared to disappoint my family and friends and become a failure and not go anywhere with my life.

All my life has been the same. Wake up, go to school for 180 odd days, and then enjoy summer for 2.5 months.

Starting a life outside of my parents house is like starting school for the very first time ever.

I don’t know what to expect, I won’t know anyone, won’t know what will upset them, and I won’t even know how I’m supposed to act.

I mean, I’ve been a kid all my life and suddenly one day I’ll be expected to grow up and be an adult out of no where.

Its enough to make you want to pull the covers up over your head and NEVER come out.

In the end, though, I have to push myself through all the negative “what if’s” in my life and start putting out the positives.

I don’t have any control of time, so my “Year of Lasts” will come no matter what.

So rather than pulling the covers up over my head and ignoring the future, I will stand tall walking through the doors of Coldwater High School for my last first day with a positive attitude.

And then I’ll leave the “what if’s” behind and start living in the present so I can enjoy my last year here.

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Journalism: Coldwater High School
What If: The Last First Last Column